I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
