At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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