when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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