Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
