can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
pop tarts are not kleenex
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
