I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
