Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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