i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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