i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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