He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
