he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
