Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
