Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
