uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize