They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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