we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
