We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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