Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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