my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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