I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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