Apparently you make a good broom.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
