Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
