just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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