I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize