i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
