Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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