Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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