Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
