In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
