so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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