What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
