i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
