It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
