Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize