If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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