I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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