Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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