.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize