I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just invented taco cereal.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
false alarm, still single
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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