So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
