He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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