you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
