I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
