the new term for farting is butt boxing.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
