I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize