they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
