I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize