I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
