I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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