i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
