You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Need sex. Gaining weight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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