The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
