haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Soap is not a condiment
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize