So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
