wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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