and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
