I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
