i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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