Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
whose parrot is this?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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