Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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