So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were trust falling into bushes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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