Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
