Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
be right there i have to get my cape
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize