So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
