I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
