went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
