i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
